"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."
Lao Tzu
Seems I have had some trouble lately letting go of what I am. I do believe this person no longer fits me. Earlier this evening, I was thinking of when I was younger, when my family would spend weekends at my grandparent's house. We would travel down the dirt road to reach the white house tucked into the foothills of the Oklahoma Ozarks, off the muddy shores of Lake Tenkiller. Some of my favorite childhood memories are set amongst the few wooded acres that surrounded the house my father spent his early teenage years in. Hours and hours were spent outside with my cousins and sister; walking through the woods, riding tiny 4-wheelers, making ridiculous (now utterly embarrassing) home videos, mixing strange concoctions out of things found in the pantry, forming mud pies using stolen utensils from my grandmother's kitchen, eating turnips and wild onions from my papaw's garden...
On certain occasions, when the summer sun was just beginning to warm the waters and the wind, I would collect the empty shells of cicadas that I would find gingerly hooked onto the bark of the tall oaks scattered throughout the property. They were slightly grotesque, but delicate, split perfectly down the middle and light as a feather.
I should only hope that I can sometime soon leave behind such a clean, perfect shell of my former self, emerging a bit softer, a bit greener, more complete ... a creature that sings until death and that no longer needs a chitinous coating to protect me from the elements.
In Japan, the cicada carries philosophical connotations of re-birth. I can't help but think of a scene in one of my favorite movies, Lost in Translation. If I was alone in Kyoto, surely they wouldn't mind if I left my tiny little shell behind? I'm intrigued by how the original city was arranged in accordance with traditional Chinese feng-shui. I do suppose that some auspicious day I will walk through the streets, absorbing all the positive qi, enjoying what I might be.
(It won't let me embed the video, but it's a lovely scene if you have two minutes to watch. And it's an amazing movie if you've never seen it, en mi opinión.)
Oh, Kyoto.
